THEY GO HERE:
"First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think, People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They're rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is a part of witchcraft."
The sadness of failures past.
"My anger is with a critically broken system."
-Father Umberto Cliff
"I feel like God is not in heaven."
-Wang Chung, To Live and Die in L.A.
Be like water in that man-made beast.
GOLIATH comes possibly from those that, "lick blood."
"What we walk away from, shying away from, ostensibly forgetting, is dangerously close to us and will eventually it will return, but with redouble force."
"He made darkness his secret place; his Pavillion round him were dark waters and thick clouds and skies."
I am open to the lesson.
I take the lesson
I listen to the lesson
I learn the lesson.
I internalize the lesson.
I apply the lesson.
I live the lesson.
"I know of a man who can change from a man to a beast and back into a man."
-A Friend of Nelson's I met 30 years ago
"And the mountain burned with fire unto the midst of heaven, with darkness, clouds and thick darkness."
"I pray to no god but Crom. . .but he never listens. He just sits on his cold mountain and laughs."
-Conan the Barbarian
The war in heaven falls to earth. It isn't so much that Satan is banished here, its that they were still throwing fists as they crash landed.
My month of crisis.
"You shall set bounds for the people all around, saying, 'Take heed to yourselves that you do not go up to the mountain or touch its base. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death.'"
SISTERS starring Margot Kidder
A legion survived the first incarnation and refused to let go of their intelligence and power. These are the dark ones. These dark ones want to pull us back into the first, intelligent mindset. However, love is what this incarnation is about. THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE HEART.
A visit from a mythological character from the past.
"And if your right eye causes you to sin pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable that one of your members perish, than your whole body to be cast into hell."
It preys upon both the connected and unconnected.
There is much power to be gained from entering vacuums and voids."
A monster with actual ties to both mythology and religion.
". . . And at that moment, a [beam] from the moon shone into the hollowness of King Og's empty eye [socket] and it filled with the moon's glow. From then on, Og's eye was [refilled]. . ."
-The Lost Book of King Og 5:19
In the middle of the center, in the center of the sky.
"In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision."
-The Goddamn Buddha
Loss and loneliness are the way of the giant.
A bunch of men afraid of the light.
"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."
-The Goddamn Buddha
"And I saw the woman, drunk with the blood of the saints and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus. And when I saw her I marveled with great amazement."
BAD BOYS starring Sean Penn
Tossed into the blades of Hell.
"The worst men often give the best advice."
"Sex, money and power drive all non-canonical books about Jesus."
-Cold Case Christianity
The Keepers of the Tree cut their eyes out. They also chop off their fingers in ceremony. The pain is to bring them acute awareness. It brings them closer. Its a grand trauma bond. Kether is the name of the boss. Hmmmm.
Kether= The Crown
Coming up from below. Through the floor.
"With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world."
-The Goddamn Buddha
Dry men are masons.
Not one God but several, Gods Damn.
STRANGELAND starring Dee Snyder
Silence is a true friend that never betrays.
HEREDITARY starring Toni Collette
"For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night."
-1 Thessalonians 5:7
"Uvall the [grey], father of Og's [deceased] wife Lestha. Uvall who rode an elephant into battle. Uvall, who had fallen from the heavens like lightning at the beginning of [time]. Uvall, whose sword flamed because of gods we did not know. Uvall's flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to King Og at the entrance to the field of battle. Uvall who spoke curses of pestilence while on the field of battle, and saw many circumcised Nephilim fall prey to them. While under control of his [dark ones] Uvall fought as a god, killing many, many circumcised Nephilim with [flourish] as he swung his sword with fervor."
-The Lost Book Of King Og 4:79
What a superior man seeks is in himself. What the smaller man seeks is in others.
"The friend who is all take, the friend of empty words, the friend full of flattery, and the reckless friend; these four are not your friends but your enemies; the wise understand this and keep them at a distance as they walk a dangerous path."
-The Goddamn Buddha
"I want nothing to do with this evil, no matter how much you pay me."
If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.
King Og kept his heart content at home with Lestha. Elsewhere, he was indifferent. He also speaks to how rarely a female can tame a male. This other document is amazing.
When its everyone's responsibility, its no one's responsibility.
"At night proctors patrolled the street and dogged your steps if you tried to go into any haunt where the presence of vice was suspected."
"Set honor in one eye and death in the other and I will look on both indifferently."
-Shakespeare, JULIUS CEASAR
DEATHRACE directed by Paul Anderson
Act with kindness but don't expect gratitude.
Jack Parsons, Manly P. Hall, Aliester Crowley, and Alice Bailey.
"Who complains of fatigue if he knows he is working for the conquest of his own freedom."
Assless. Means unmoored.
Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
"The one that forgave the betrayal is waiting for a new betrayal."
MAN ON FIRE directed by Tony Scott
It is ill to praise and worse to blame the thing which you do not understand.
Amytis Dekor. Goddamn, what a woman.
"Fortune sides with him that dares."
"There is an ancient being among us that should be left to its own devices."
-Father Ichabod Sergeant
"Leap of faith yes, but only after reflection."
NIGHT OF THE HUNTER directed by Charles Laughton
"The less I needed, the better I felt."
"Beware of sentimental alliances where the consciousness of good deeds is the only compensation for noble sacrifices."
-Otto Von Bismarck
I have a shadow, and in his darkness I have found light.
CITY OF GHOSTS directed by Matt Dillon
"Sometimes you must yield in order to win and sometimes maintaining a low place leads you to win."
"You'd better know for sure that those words do indeed control the darkness when you use them."
-Father Esau Martin
Confined Space Entry
"We fell into discussion- philosophy, science, evolution, religion. He betrayed the inaccuracies of the self-read man, and, it must be granted, the sureness and directness of the primitive mind."
Ruminate on the goddamn triumphant return.
"A man who has not passed through the inferno of his own passions has never overcome them."
Explorers get killed.
I consider this document. And I think of the water sacrifice of infants while parents chanted, "PASS YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS THROUGH THE WATERS," or something to that effect.
The power of Moloch is that its all talk, and we have no record. If there was actual Moloch documentation, it would come off as both flat and gross. It would be distasteful, much like Father Martin's Leviathan document.
"Shackle your fears and do the time."
-Father Umberto Cliff
That violent, disdaining action that is actually a result of soreness in a different department.
"But he who is a hireling and not a shepherd, one who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees; and the wolf catches the sheep and scatters them. The hireling flees because he is a hireling and does not care about the sheep."
-John 10:12, 13"
You act like mortals in all you fear and like immortals in all you desire."
"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts."
"Every man in the son of his own works."
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal."
The goddamn supernaturally addled.
The violent paralysis of a conscious, dying world.
"Wine is a mocker, Intoxicating drink arouses brawling And whoever is led astray by it is not wise."
In other times my sanity would have torn or shredded loose.
Seven weeks and no lycanthropy.
A council of 12, all laundering cash.
Loss. An entire kingdom sinking into the sand.
Been dealing with this shadow for decades. It knows that if I allow it, I am stuck with it. Stuck waiting for the universe to spin all the way around again, to this same frame 18 years later. The 18th year is a proving ground of some sort. That seems to be when the shadow becomes the beast. I hate dealing with it.
18 years before the curse lifts. And an all-encompassing spiritual battle at the end of that 18th year. After the battle, that seems to be the only time I can shake it completely off. But it comes back again and again.
It wants to be dependent on me. It wants my heart. It has won it every time it has raised up against me. It has taken my heart an blackened it more than necessary.
The pain it brings. Its acute. There is nothing like it. Days and days of false smiles as I process it. I have never been hurt like this. The pain always seems new, It always seems original. Every time its a bold, forced intimacy with my ethereal nerve endings. I have to construct a mask to hide behind because I am so spiritually broken. My eyes crust from tears. This pain has defined me as an adult.
I'm always under its broad wings. This is its ownership of me, not a shelter it provides. I can't sustain the damage it will give for another rotation of the stars. That goddamn deep pain it brings. I rot. I ache. How can I not hate what I have become? Hasn't it taken enough from me? My heart. It has completely broken my heart. My life, it has completely infected my life. It reaches out and touches all I love. All that I hope to love, all that matters. Its all besmirched and stained. I have wept tears I didn't understand because of it.
Where does a man go to heal these wounds?
And here we are again, in the 18th year, sparring once again. Have I learned all of my lessons? Applied them? I have been meditating daily on this. Oh, I have given this one so much long thought. I have worked all of my mantras around it. I have laid snares for it. I have prepped myself.
I am not who I was. I have changed, motherfucker. This time around you'll see. I learned the lesson. But I was so sure that I hadn't changed that I was really hard on myself. In blinding self-discipline, I punished myself. You deceiver. You brilliant strategist. You set out to defeat me without lifting a weapon. Your wisdom is too old. I have nothing in this arena.
In fact, I was so hard on myself that ironically, I found myself again, steering towards the shadow. I have underestimated it, again.
Odin keeps his own counsel.
"Without training they lacked knowledge. Without knowledge they lacked confidence. Without confidence they lacked victory."
A matter of sorrow.
It comes from within. That which is without has no idea. It is a subjective thing. I have to process it and suppress it before I can communicate. The dialogue I have with it does not affect, nor is heard by the outside world. It is the sensitive tickling of insanity.
The gentle beast sleeps deep in the very heart of the city, satisfied with the boundary it has created for itself.
Balance is good, harmony is better.
You become what you understand.
"The one who treats me well is my leader. The one who treats me cruelly is my enemy."
Practice warm indifference.
Every man is guilty of the good he did not do.
"I would rather believe that God doesn't exist than believe he was indifferent."
My head is pounding hammer on the brain.
The cut Nephilim uncut Rephaim.
Where are the good men and women? Where are the best humans? Where can I find those that represent actual goodness? The charlatans are everywhere.
"I have also spoken by the prophets, And have multiplied visions; I have given symbols through the witness of the prophets."
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
"The benign indifference of the universe."
Selkie = Murmaider.
"Sobriety is the strength of the soul, for it preserves its reasons unclouded by passion."
The first thing is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second thing is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.
The Milius mental approach to warfare.
A little impatience will spoil great plans.
"True nobility is being superior to your former self."
Such a cloud of witnesses.
"When the footpads quail at the night-bird's wail,
and black dogs bay at the moon,
Then is the specters' holiday - then is the ghosts'
-Sir William Schwenck Gilbert
The indifference of the universe has numbed me.
"A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!"
"Shapeshifting isn't illegal for god's sakes!"
-Father Ichabod Sergeant
Somehow I have to forgive myself for past evils.
"Should I lie concerning my right? My wound is incurable, though I am without transgression."
I have done nothing wrong.
"A righteous man regards the life of his animal. But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."
Seven generations on the wheel of pain.
Where is the "best human" leaderboard?
"Being good is easy. What's difficult is being just."
Consider the hidden weight of words.
Transportation dry runs with dead bodies.
"Your own family will talk behind your back when you're in the process of breaking all of their generational curses. This isn't for the weak."
With that broken, redundant human out of my life, its a W.
"If any man despises me that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving of contempt."
"Silence is better than unmeaning words."
One year at a time.
Nine weeks and no lycanthropy.
A seer. A prophet.
"Only great minds can enjoy a simple style."
"Confine yourself to the present."
Prior to the Second Temple.
"In anger we should refrain from both speech and action."
The Nephilim are at the pearly gates.
Societally, the family is known for its charitable work and its soft heart for the misshapen.
I will try not to lose my mind in the intern.
"If you are asked:What is silence? Respond: It is the first stone of Wisdom's Temple."
A deep, burning ache.
"This filthy spirit, it runs through the lineage of the Christ."- Father Umberto Cliff
Silence, patience, peaceful meditations.
To say, "between the running lights," is to say, "between the eyes."
There is a supernatural working above the physical world, interacting and shaping it.
"Because of the riddles that he speaks. Because of the seduction he offers and the riches he promises."
On the shores of loss with no sweet savior.
"Almost all of the misfortunes in life come from the wrong notions we have about the things that happen to us."
"Learn silence. With the quiet serenity if a meditative mind, listen, absorb, transcribe and transform."
Recognize game when its in your face.
"At this time, Mot spoke through Nimrod's [sorceresses] telling them that the suitor for the [Moonchild] was in Nimrod's kingdom. This was another [false prophecy] that ended. . .[species] of [giants]."
-THE LOST BOOK OF KING OG